A strange tale of bobbitism and redemption with the aim of getting a brand new chopper :

You must get a job, I want a new penis

Zaprian Lozanov, a Bulgarian man who had his penis chopped off by his best friend Lyubomir while he was demonstrating his martial arts skills, is to help him get a new job – so he can pay for a new manhood.

The painful incident happened at 61-year-old Mr Lozanov’s flat just outside the city of Plovdiv, where the two had been getting hammered for most of the day.

Mr Lozanov’s friend Lyubomir Todorov, 43, decided it would be a great idea to take a decorative – but very real and very sharp – samurai sword hanging on the wall to demonstrate his flawless control of a weapon while intoxicated.

The result was pretty much inevitable, as Mr Todorov began swiping wildly with the sword.

Our unfortunate victim picks up the story: ‘He told me he was a martial arts expert – he was whizzing it around his head.

‘I went to try and take it off him before he caused an accident – and then he slashed it in front of me.

‘I thought he’d missed but then I felt a burning pain and collapsed. He’d sliced the sword through my trousers and lopped off my penis.’

Although clearly sad and very unfortunate, the story is also somewhat heartening – because Mr Lozanov campaigned for his pal’s release from prison, after he was given a six-year sentence over the incident.

He did have something of an ulterior motive, though – to get Mr Todorov back into employment in order to raise the cash to pay for a brand, spanking new chopper.

‘People tell me I was noble to get him released but I want him to get a job so he can pay the compensation I am due,’ Mr Lozanov continued.

‘There is nothing I can do to change what has happened – it’s in the past. I just hope now that, by helping him, it will help me.’

Japanese sword meets pork sword and wins – I can only think well I never!

It would seem that “getting hammered” and playing with swords doesn’t work out too well.