Daisy: ‘ere Bluebell, look at the dirty photographer bugger – he’s got his cock out!

Bluebell: Oi mate, show us your CRB certificate now or we are gonna stampede all over your ass.

As they say in these parts, “there is nowt as queer as folk”, and the following from Cornwall certainly demonstrates the peculiarities of life :

A man found naked in a field amongst cow dung and mud had been sexually pleasuring himself, a court has heard.

It was the same farm he had returned to over a period of seven years.

He was discovered on Saturday by a child of the family on land at Woodbury House Farm, Tolgus Mount, Redruth.

When police officers arrived soon after, they found him covered in a large amount of slurry and mud, in a quagmire, surrounded by tissues.

…

Jill Wilson, prosecuting, said the restraining order had been made in 2009 prohibiting Truscott from entering the farm for any reason.

“There is a history of his visiting this particular farm seeking sexual gratification while immersed in cow dung and mud,” she said. “This is the only place he seeks to gratify himself in this particular manner. It goes back seven years.”

…

“The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader and set fire to outbuildings, killing livestock in frustration when they cleaned out their farm equipment in an attempt to stop him from this lewd and obscene habit.”

Every time you think you have seen it all, along comes something to remind you that you haven’t even seen the half of it.

I am left wondering though if he was actually in the muck spreader spreading muck or outside spreading muck into it.

As an aside, the news article comes from The Falmouth Packet – quite apt I think.

H/T David Thompson