After having found myself shouting fuck off at the TV once again, I will have a little vent about the wondrous Dettol Hands Free Soap Dispenser thing or whatever they are calling it.

The advert starts with people touching dirty things such as a dustbin, raw chicken and a toad (and no this isn’t about those Christwire.org dirty and secret things and if you have no idea what I am talking about there then go have a look in the Just Plain Weird section or check this one if that is too much trouble).

Enough germ ridden filth, I think you will agree, to give any self respecting brainwashed germophobe housewife the urgent feeling that she must immediately spray her entire family with germicides (used responsibly of course) before the germs from the images infect them all causing a long lingering painful death (if only).

We then get a lot of shots of those same poor potentially infected people rushing to use a pump soap dispenser before arriving at the killer line :

Just imagine how germy your soap dispenser is…

Followed by a nice little animation of hordes of evil, killer germs wriggling on top of the pump.

The whole premise of this advert is that you shouldnt be touching the filthy soap pump and you should rush out and invest in yet another expensive electronic gadget to protect you and your sterile little darlings from germs.

The problem I have with this one is that it matters not one flying fuck whats on the soap pump handle – it could be raw shit, corpse liquor or even a whole lump of sun ripened roadkill being hauled around by a maggot army as far as I am concerned, because you are going to wash your fucking hands immediately after touching it.

I can imagine the type of people who would buy into this type of shit and they probably already have more biocidal products in their home than Saddam and Chemical Ali ever dreamed of. They would most likely also be the type to get an attack of the screaming heebie geebies if they ever saw me drop a biscuit on the floor only to pick it up, blow the bits off and carry on eating it, not to metion doing things like unblocking sewers without gloves on (no sense ruining a pair of gloves with shit when you can wash your damned hands).

Hopefully, in the fullness of time, they will all chemically neuter themselves and their families from overuse of rediculous toilet cleansers, air fresheners, telephone and hard surface sprays and anti-allergy wipes so we are spared any more of this fucking stupid germ nonsense.

Anyway, I feel much better now and will end with a suitable picture for anyone who wanders by here in the mistaken belief that this is a ringing endorsement for any of the products mentioned above whilst also making those same deluded types run in a paranoid manner to check their throne for cleanliness.