An article in yesterdays print edition of the Telegraph (for some reason the article doesn’t appear online so no link I am afraid) regarding a Hospital worker found straddling an unconscious patient left me wondering what exactly they teach medics these days.

A Health care worker was caught lying on top of a young woman recovering from an operation for his “sexual gratification”, a disciplinary hearing was told yesterday.

Doesn’t sound too exciting so far but wait :

The councils (Heath Professions Council) primary position is that Mr Newton was lying on top of the patient for no professional or clinical reason, that the reason he was lying on top of her was for his own sexual gratification, it was a sexual assault either taking place or about to take place.

To me, the suggestion there is that there are valid professional or clinical reasons why a doctor may be found laying on top of a patient but I’m buggered if I can think what they may be.

And if that isn’t enough, it gets better :

Mr Newton who was not present at the hearing has admitted incorrectly assessing that Patient A was suffering from a cardiac arrest.

But he has denied a charge of failing to position himself correctly to administer CPR in that he climbed on to Patient A’s trolley and straddled her body.

Personally, that sounds like the ideal position for a jump start – perhaps they got carried away at the CPR training with the rubber woman and thought it was the correct technique after all?