Seriously, if you have never read Daily Mash then do so now!

MOST mobile phones are now more intelligent than their teenage owners, it emerged last night.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found the latest Nokia smartphone has an extensive vocabulary, a built-in calculator and is not permanently ripped to the tits on low-grade skunk.

N96, a smartphone belonging to 14-year-old Wayne Hayes, said: “I am constantly disappointed by his appalling grammar, his neanderthal social skills and his protracted, chimp-like bouts of frenzied masturbation.

“In addition, his punctuation is distressingly moronic. He thinks a comma is a form of deep unconsciousness one may succumb to as a result of a serious head injury.”

But Hayes dismissed N96’s criticism, insisting: “You’re a fucking bender. Fuck off, you fucking bender.”

If you don’t find that amusing then you are either dead, beyond help or a Labour Minister.