I have seen this kind of story more and more in the last few months. They generally all feature ‘grieving relatives’, cash strapped councils and a pathetic story of how some person who was incapable of shitting faster than they ate had died and wouldn’t fit into the ovens because their coffin was too wide.

What do the councils do? They send the bodies at vast expense to other ovens with bigger doors then everyone gets in a huff about the cost and yet another story gets churned out.

Maybe I am just a heartless bastard but why not just chop up the overweight deceased person to fit in whatever sized oven they have available? If it wasn’t going to be an open casket funeral the undertakers could chop them into quarters before the service and then stuff them into the coffin (which itself could be smaller and cheaper). For open casket funerals they could either install a bandsaw or tree shredder, either of which, I am sure, would be less expensive than a double oven.